Metta.org.uk

 
JOKES
Present moment, wonderful moment - Thich Nhat Hanh

LIGHT SIDE | METTA HOME | CLASSIFIEDS | FORUMS | MEDITATION | RUNE STONES | THERAPIES | TRAVEL | WORDS | YOGA | SEARCH
  

  
Metta.org.uk   

 
UP
SHORT STORY
INTERACTIVE JOKE
2005 CALENDAR
Notice: On 20th October this site will undergo some major changes... more

SHARE

 

 

 

 

 

 

A FEW TO PONDER....

Feedback some jokes to Metta......

How many Psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb. . . .
Just one, but only if the light bulb really wants to change. . .

What did Buddha say to the Hot Dog Vendor?.....
Make me one with everything!

Julie, London

While in London Buddha purchased a copy of The Big Issue from a street vendor with a 10 note,  when Buddha asked for his change the vendor looked with a smile and said, "Ah, change must come from within...

 

When asked what he wanted for his birthday,
the Yogi replied, "I wish no gifts" only presence.

RB

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

 

A distraught client goes to see a Therapist saying, Look, Look, look! I've got these bees all over me. They're big and black with yellow waistcoats and they're buzzing and, and, and they're crawling all over me. You must do something, please, please do something! The therapist says... All right, all right, but don't flick them all on to me!

S.W.C, Bristol

Psychiatrists Hot Line If you are obsessive-compulsive please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are Co-dependant please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personality disorder please press ,3,4,5 and 6.
If you are schizophrenic please listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.

M.R, Bristol
 

Top
Evolution?

 
One day a young student at the Buddhist monastery goes to meditate with two monks as part of his education, they go to the opposite side of the lake from the monastery and are about to start their morning meditation when the first monk says, "oh no I forgot my mat", so walks up to the lake and walks calmly across the surface of the water to the monastery and returns with his mat. Suddenly the second monk says "oh no I've forgotten my sun hat" so he runs across the surface of the water to the monastery and returns with a straw hat. The student is astounded by this and at the end of the meditation he tries to walk across the water. He falls straight in and emerges soaking wet, the two monks look on and after watching his failed attempts for a while the first monk says to the second "do you think we should tell him where the stones are!".

TG, London

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root, it will cure you.
1000 A.D. - That root is poison, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is pure superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Environmental risk to Velcro crop!

The Politics of Cows

White House Acts to Repeal Law of Karma
Buddhist satirist PB Law reports on the White House's announcement that it will request Congress to legislate an end to the law of karma and to require all Buddhist organizations to remove any reference to karma from their beliefs.

...So Buddhists will have to get with the program and accept these mainstream American truths if they want their religion to survive in the US.

Trycicle

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
Because they have no attachments!

A peanut stood upon the track,
its heart was all a-flutter.
Along came the five-fifteen,
SQUISH, peanut butter.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams

A woman went to a Psychiatrist with her troubles. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded.
"It's gotten so that every time I meet a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel really guilty and depressed."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "no doubt you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?"

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward.
 

People used to explore the dimensions of reality by taking LSD to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird and they take Prozac to make it look normal.

Bangstrom

A lim-rick or two at first,
and soon you are scorned at and cursed!
So stop right today,
That rhyming away,
Lest things go from bad to versed!

A real food movie - The Meatrix - Not really a joke, more of a horror story with moral overtones worth hearing.

 

 

Top
Know a joke or two...? Feedback some good ones! If you find any of the jokes here offensive please let us know. Top

 

Registered
User Log In
USER
 
PASSWORD
 
 
Help

[REGISTER HERE]

[ LINK TO METTA ]

[ ADD A LISTING ]

Enter one word
to search the
Metta listings

 
i.e. Yoga, Reiki,
massage, etc

 

 

 

 

 

  
 

 Site Map Send FEEDBACK with questions or comments about this web site.
  2000 - 2013 METTA.ORG.UK. Last modified: 09 Oct 2013 
CONDITIONS OF USE